When I got married, I was introduced to new vocabulary not previously part of my lexicon. My husband, Steven, says things like "tighter than Dick's hatband" and "nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs", along with "don't know him from Adam" and "quiet as a church mouse", and "down like four flat tires" and "useless as teats on a bohog" (my personal favorite, cause you can't get any more useless than THAT!) My daddy said some crazy things, but nothing like I heard from Steven. Over the years, these phrases have crept into usage, and I have a fondness for them because being Southern means sprinkling some of these in your speech here and there for a humorous effect.
In the early months of our marriage, he baled hay with his uncle every night and weekend, and he was going to walk to the baling spot for that day. I didn't realize this, because being from the city, I always rode in something motorized to get where I was going, even if it wasn't a far distance. I asked him how he was going to get there, and he said "Moe and Joe". I laughed, snorted actually, and said "I can't believe you've given names to your vehicles!" and he said, with a crazy look like I must be uneducated, "Moe and Joe are your feet!" Well, I believed I had heard it all! In co-habitating with him now for almost 17, going on 18 years, I have also started calling my feet Moe and Joe.
What does this have to do with running, you might be wondering.....if I have learned one thing since December 5 when I began this marathon journey, it is that you MUST take care of your feet, uh, I mean Moe and Joe! In February, right before I was to run in my first 5K, I broke the toe right next to my little toe on my right foot in not one, but two places. Let me explain how this happened, so that you don't make the same mistake. My mother-in-law, my mama, and I had purchased Steven a flat screen television for our bedroom because our current model had a screen about the size of a shoe box and it was very hard to see from our bed. Also, it made a popping sound and cut out about half of what was being said....which made it very hard to understand our favorite TV shows, like Storage Wars, Criminal Minds (which we are such great detectives we didn't really need to hear everything because we always have it figured out after 30 minutes have passed), Swamp People, and I can't leave out Gun Smoke!! Steven moved the old television and put it on the floor by MY side of the bed, saying he and Ford would take it upstairs so a game system could be connected to it. Well, several weeks later, it was still laying there. Because I started drinking so much water, I had to get up in the middle of the night most nights to go to the restroom. On this particular night, as I hopped up out of the bed, I forgot about the television and rammed my toe underneath it. I have never felt pain as searing as this....I just knew my entire foot was cracked. I tried to walk it out, and the pain was moving up my leg. I put ice on it and tried to go back to sleep, and I did, but fitfully. The next morning my foot looked like a grape Ring Pop. It was swollen and sore. I could hardly put weight on it. As most runners know, this is devastation.....I made an appointment with the orthopedic doctor. He x-rayed it and told me that it was broken in two places. He told me to stay off of it for two weeks. TWO WEEKS means 6 running sessions....I would lose 6 runs. How far behind would that put me to run in a 5K????? I was totally and completely bummed. I had put so much time and effort into training.
You might not know this, but I am extremely strong-willed. I think James Dobson had me in mind when he authored "The Strong-Willed Child" (which I have read, by the way, because I birthed two strong-willed children and married one!) I decided two weeks was too much, so I took off one week. ONE. After that week I started walking with my Mama up and down the road. Then I started slowly running from one road sign to the next mailbox, and I gradually built up my distance. I was so proud. I sang "I Did it My Way" by Elvis. I was not as smart as I would like to think, though. I have suffered for not waiting, because in my oppositional defiant state, I developed a crazy gait, because I had to run on the inside of my foot so the outside, where my broken toe was located, would not touch the ground and hurt, This put strain on my lower back, hip, and upper leg, which is part of the reason I had such pain in those three areas that radiated down into my knee and ankle. My advice to you: DO NOT run with broken toes for this very reason. You can develop a weird running form that can cause more harm than good.
Also, check your bedroom and bathroom for any toe breaking obstacles. You never know when you might have to wake up in the night and rush somewhere hurriedly and your feet or toes will come into contact with said objects and injure you. This is one simple, proactive step you can take to limit injury. Also, if you are cleaning out closets or rooms, wear tennis shoes while you do it to protect your feet from falling objects. Don't put heavy things into cabinets where they can roll out onto your feet. Put those items down low. If you are a Miss Grace, like me, and trip over everything, take a few minutes to put your stuff up instead of leaving it in the closet floor. Also, don't wear yoga or other bell-bottomish type pants while you are working in your house. Once, when rising from a seated position, my big toe got caught in the opposite leg of my yoga pants, and down I went. A broken foot was the consequence. The same thing happened as I was rushing down the stairs one time, and I ended up in a heap at the bottom crying. Make your husband move that large weight bar with huge plates on the ends that is also rusty in the garage. That's an accident waiting to happen.
Last of all, when you are drying your hair, wear steel-toed boots, even if they belong to your husband and they swallow your feet. Let me explain why. I was drying my hair the other night, and I have to section it off
so I can get it straight. I get tired of turning the dryer off and on, so I just leave it on and lay it on the counter while I comb another section and clip up another. Usually that works fine. Well, on this night, the dryer vibrated itself off of the counter and slammed into the top of my left foot. Pain city!!!! It left an indention in my second toe on the left foot. I sat in the floor and cried. I couldn't even touch it. I prayed and prayed for God to not let me have another broken bone. I was able to pull myself to a standing position....and I tried a little jog back and forth in the bathroom, and what a blessing! It was OK. I thanked God! Whew! That was close. That's when I realized that if you are good to Moe and Joe, they will return the favor. Take care of those tootsies, or else you'll be a spectator instead of a participator.
I hope none of this careless, clumsy, clueless stuff happens to you, and some of it is probably unbelievable. Just know if it CAN happen, it WILL happen, at least to me!!!!
P.S. I would like to thank Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, and Mike for their help in the introduction of this blog post.
(Seriously, thanks goes to SW, RB, MF, and DW) When I said their names it sounded like part of the Candy Girl song by New Edition where they say their names---Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, and Mike!!!!!
After I discovered that sprinklers are the best thing about running at the beach...........I decided not to run at all the rest of my vacation. Each morning I got up and intended to run, but due to the groggy and foggy feelings I had after being up with my injured husband every few hours, I just didn't feel like it. It's been a long time since I used that excuse to not exercise, but I decided not to be too hard on myself. It was vacation, after all. Everyone deserves a break. I've worked hard all year for it....blah blah blah. I did fool myself for the rest of my glorious, indulgent week away from home. I found a shirt to wear that summed up my feelings for the week (see left!) When my six pack comes back I am going to wear this. Really!
